Allow Me To Ponder

"you, therefore

have no excuse

you who pass judgment on someone else

for whatever point you judge the other

you are condemning yourself."

Romans 2:1

my goodness. i'm bout to go crazy. do you know how much money i've spent on christmas? tis the season dammit. but now i'm bout to go into bah humbug mode. this shit is crazy. why am i acting like i have money? why am i acting like i'm rolling in it? shit. credit cards are the work of the devil. some shit's gonna have to go back. i'll see if the receiving matches up with the giving before i make any drastic decisions. this is why you must keep all receipts.

i can't help that i love to give. don't get me wrong, i enjoy receiving as well. but the look on people's faces when you give them something they really wanted, or something they really like - that they didn't even know they wanted... priceless. i know it sounds corny, but that's honestly how i feel. i love making other people happy. it makes me happy to see the people i care about happy.

don't mistake my kindness for weakness though. some people do. that's most definately the wrong conclusion to come to.

today is the first day of me chillaxing. well, i have a few christmas gifts left to get and some birthday gifts to exchange, but other than that... i'm free. no commitments after work. well, at least none that i can't get out of.

why don't you come entertain me in your free time? call ahead to schedule an appointment.

i think i'm gonna change my hours at work. i'm gonna make it so they expect me to come in later. so when i come in "late", i'm on time, and if i come in earlier, then i'm "early", so i can leave early. i think it works out for the best this way because i'm not gonna do nothin but just continue to oversleep. for some reason i just can't get my ass to bed at a decent time. i'm always stayin up with the homeys, thinkin i'm gonna miss somethin or when i do actually go to bed "on time" i'm awakened outta my sleep by random visitors.

oh i wish you could feel this feeling i feel. i wish you could understand the absolute glee that is in my heart right now because i'm almost done with undergrad. 5 years. 5 looong years. i know i'm gonna miss college once it's all over, but right now, i can't see that far. i just see the near future which is me gettin the hell outta undergrad and the hell off this damn campus - which i slightly hate by the way.

so lately i've been contemplating whether i should try to call my used-to-be-good-friend. i was gonna call on thanksgiving (holidays are always a good excuse to talk to someone you haven't talked to in a while) but i realized i erased his number out of my cell phone. and no, that wasn't malicious on my part. he is the one that has the beef with me, not vice versa. weeks... no, actually MONTHS have gone by and we still haven't talked. i can only do but so much. therefore i erased his name out my phonebook. fixing things shouldn't be one-sided. i refuse to continue to call someone that won't return my phone calls. i still don't understand how our friendship could end so abruptly... and over A GIRL at that. ah oh well. if it ceases, it was never real... right? so i guess it was all a figment of my imagination - for 7 years... damn.