Like A Penny With A Hole In It

seems like it's been a while. life has both ended and begun since i last posted my feelings.

my mom's college roommate's father-in-law passed away a few weeks ago. at first i didn't want to go to the wake because i didn't know him, but my mom told me that you go to wakes/funerals for the living not for the dead. and she's right. yes, some of your motivation to go could come from the relationship you had with the deceased, but a lot of your motivation should come from the relationship you have with the living that are suffering from the death of a loved one. it was sad. i had never been to a wake before. and i've only been to one funeral in my life. i don't come in contact with death often, and for that i'm both blessed and grateful. i was glad i went to the wake though. i was able to show my support physically instead of just through a card.

and then... my cousin trey had a baby girl on christmas eve. her name is layla marie. she's almost 2 months premature i believe. she weighed 4lbs, 8oz and she's still at the hospital now in the incubator. she's so cute... and i usually think newborns look funny. but not this one. not my baby cousin. she's so cute and tiny.

it kinda sucks to be "grown up" with a job and all. i feel like i'm missing out on the college life sometimes. a big part of college is SLEEPING. haha... well maybe you don't think so, but you know what i mean. i want to be able to do what i want to do, when i want to do it. i hate having an agenda. we don't have classes again until january 31st, and i should be livin the life right now, but instead i'm stuck at work. what kind of bullshit is that? don't get me wrong, i enjoy my job and i'm grateful for the opportunity, but damn. can i live?

i need a get rich quick scheme. any suggestions? this one ain't workin fast enough.

so christmas went well over all. i spent a lot of money on gifts (as i stated in a previous entry) but i also received a good amount of gifts, so i think it was worth it. gotta give a little to get a little. anyway, wanna know what i got? peep the list below. i made oatmeal cookies for my grandfather and will make drapes for my grandmother in the near future. i got my mama and mr. tony a tv for the kitchen cause the old one broke. my gifts made people happy and the ones i received made me happy.

• lovely christmas cards
• money
• earrings
• coat
• luggage
• clothes
• purple picture frame
• purple jewelry box
• massage chair for my car
• neck pillow
• journal
• automatic starter for my car
• perfume
• gift certificate to a spa

i chilled with my cousin for a bit (not the one that's a daddy now, but his brother). we did what we always do when i go home. good times. my grandfather noticed for the first time that i have a tongue ring. i've had this piercing since may 27, 2003. "what does it mean?" he asks. it doesn't mean anything. i like it, so i got it. then he asked me to promise him that i would take it out after i graduated. i told him i'd think about it. i mean, yes, i want to please my grandfather and do as he wishes; however, i don't see the big deal. if i am ready to part with it by may 26, 2005 then yes i will take it out. but if i'm not, then i won't. there will be another graduation. my graduation from grad school. that should be may 2007. i could take it out then. but sheesh. if he's acting like this over the tongue ring, then imagine how he'd respond to the... other stuff.

"until the end of time, i'll be there for you. you are my heart and mind. i truly adore you. if God one day struck me blind, your beauty i'll still see..." adore is a classic. prince is a genius.

i've been feelin kinda empty lately. like a part of me is missing. i know what the problem is, but i have no idea how to fix it. at this point, i don't even know if it should be "fixed" or if it's even possible. time will tell.

so... i joined a book club today. how nifty is that? haha. nifty. ok i apologize for that word choice. anyway, the book club should be interesting. i like to read. especially now since i have so much damn time on my hands. i need to pick up a book cause all i've been doing is watching dvd after dvd. at least i got caught up on the whole first season of nip/tuck. and let me tell you, that is a good show. i was skeptical at first, but i have seen the light.

you love me don't you.